Eurovision Semi-Final 2: THE END OF YOUR SEMI FOREVER

11 May

I don’t know about you but I think I like Semi Final 2 more than 1. Sure there are still far too many singers on their own but overall I prefer the songs.

As a quick recap here are some thoughts on each country to skip read while you watch tonight. As always, I am wrong about everything.

SERBIA – Their decision to stage an upbeat pop song as a woman on her own is fundamentally flawed. I’m pretty confident that it will qualify, of course, but I just wish there were dancers. Or you know, a band pretending to play. I also think they hold back on the chorus so it’s not quite as banging as it could be.
Qualify? YES

AUSTRIA – The most optimistic of the ballads. Distinctly middle of the road. Again, dressed in white but performing in front of a giant moon. Which is also the symbol of Islam and gives the song a confused meaning.

MACEDONIA – First of all – PRETTY. Second of all – WHERE ARE YOUR DANCERS? I mean, again it’s her alone on the stage and considering there are SO many backing vocals on the song it just looks silly.
Qualify? YES

MALTA – A really dreadful ballad performed by Michelle Visage after a stroke.
Qualify? NO

ROMANIA – Peak Eurovision. So terrible and so perfect at the same time. Amazed to see the guy has ditched his cornrows and gone for the full hipster look. He looks like he could be working as a barista in a artisan coffee shop. After Saturday he will be.
Qualify? YES

NETHERLANDS – I dislike all three piece girl bands so not a fan of this either. However, this will do well. It is well staged and the song is fine. If this came before Romania I’d expect it to win the Semi Final as I have no respect for humanity. But after Romania… gonna go out on a limb and say it won’t qualify
Qualify? NO

HUNGARY – My favourite song from Semi Final 2. Just a shame he’s forgotten the words and just making funny noises.
Qualify? YES

DENMARK – After the lofi approach of Hungary the Danes go full dramaqueen. Pretty forgettable song but she gives her fucking all, throwing herself around and shrieking those notes like a deranged koala. I hate every second it’s on.
Qualify? YES

IRELAND – Nice to see Ireland enter a trans entry this year.
Qualify? NO

SAN FUCKING MARINO – You can get 10-1 for this to even qualify for the final. It isn’t that bad. It’s also a disco duet. Pathetic stage show, everything is wrong with it. I’m going to be utterly wrong and say this will qualify as it comes after Ireland.
Qualify? YES

CROATIA – Just dreadful. Operatics from Dino from Fear Factory.
Qualify? NO

NORWAY – Another personal favourite. No idea why it’s in Eurovision though.
Qualify? YES

SWITZERLAND – Looking like a sexier version of Belle from Beauty & The Beast this does everything it can to be as pleasant and inoffensive as possible.
Qualify? NO

BELARUS – Actually just the music from The Lion King
Qualify? YES

BULGARIA – A decent but dark ballad. Seems to be the favourite. Not as good as it thinks it is.
Qualify? YES

LITHUANIA – Only communists or gremlins like this.
Qualify? NO

ESTONIA – Looks like if the hosts for The Price Is Right sang a song. Tragic.

ISRAEL – Energetic with a hot singer, great voice and party tune. Ends the semi final – blatantly gonna be in the final.
Qualify? YES



One Response to “Eurovision Semi-Final 2: THE END OF YOUR SEMI FOREVER”

  1. Kheira May 11, 2017 at 10:23 am #

    You are untalented moron xx

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