It’s the Black Keys but with a female singer. It’s 200 – 1 to win.
Opposite of everything Eurovision and it starts the competition. Chorus has a great stomp. Just voted in gay marriage so bonus points for France.
Ghostsmut advice: Worth an each way punt at those odds.
It’s about parasitic brain worms. Or love.
For me the chorus feels a little A-Ha and not enough punch. However, a great performance might change that.
Ghostsmut advice: It’s Lithuania and they have no friends so who cares?
YES! The first ballad. It’s rather lovely and builds very well. But no chance and I think she’ll mess up the high notes.
It’s a fucking war crime of a song. But has a lesbian kiss in it so let’s accept it.
Ghostsmut advice: Follow my advice and report it as a war crime like I did.
At least the song before it is terrible in a 90s pop way. This song is awful in a holy fuck you wrote that and thought it was worth sharing with other people? No wonder your fucking economy is fucking fucked.
Ghostsmut advice: PUT MONEY ON THIS FOR LAST PLACE.
I like this one. The chorus is lovely and has a great vibe. But the singer has the charisma of David Cameron’s dead kid.
Ghostsmut advice: Each way punt for me.
You’ll be asleep by the second chorus.
Ghostsmut advice: Have a nap.
Good stomp feel after that awful ballad from Estonia. It’s about Solero ice lollies.
Ghostsmut advice: You will be sick of it after 30 seconds. Feels like a jingle for an advert.
This is Scouting For Girls. Might go down well with some people. I can’t swallow it personally.
Ghostsmut advice: If you like it then consider an each way. I can’t stand it to even consider that option.
Russia get votes from EVERYONE.
When I first heard it I described it as JIZZPUKE. I still stand by that. However, it’s the kind of JIZZPUKE that gets lots of votes. Urgh.
Ghostsmut advice: Reluctant each way bet.
Cascada – 40-1
Yes, it really is Cascada. Instead of them entering something poppy and cheesy they have enetered something lazy as fuck. Chorus is dull. No one cares.
Ghostsmut advice: Ignore
Trivia: It’s written by Tony Iommi’ from Black fucking Sabbath. But it can’t stand out even after Cascada. And it’s FUCKING AWFUL.
Ghostsmut advice: Likely to be last place or as close to Spain as possible.
A real game changer this one. No one has entered something this different in a while. I really LOVE it. And most fan boys of Eurovision seem to HATE it.
Ghostsmut advice: Each way bet certainty for me.
Get ready for a shock. His balls get amputated half way through. Comedy fucking gold. I tell you.
Ghostsmut advice: Just laugh. Don’t bet on it FFS.
United Kingdom 50-1
Song is shit. She looks like a chewed scrotum that’s now infected.
Ghostsmut advice: UK is hated. We’re trying to pull out of Europe and being generally dicks everywhere. Expect close to nul points as possible. Bottom 3 with Spain and Armenia.
This is the home nation. They will get points from everyone being kind. I like the chorus but it feels like it doesn’t go awesome enough. Maybe they’ve changed it in practise. let’s hope it.
Ghostsmut advice: Home nations usually always do well. Each way bet if you think he performs it well on the night.
Sounds like dEUS. Rather like it.
Ghostsmut advice: After the home nation song before it this song will bomb.
Denmark 8/13 (!!!)
This will win. As soon as you hear it you’re like Oh, a song that is good after a song that is weird.
Ghostsmut advice: Win by fucking miles. Listen to the crowd cheer after it ends.
It’s a Cliff Richard xmas song. Putrid. After Denmark no one will care.
Ghostsmut advice: Toilet break.
Something different. Balkan music craziness. Love it.
Ghostsmut advice: Only song like this in the competition. Top 5 easy.
Why is this 10-1? It’s a dildo thrown at a fucking spaceship. Does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Must get points from Russia and their buddies. Maybe she’s hot. Not checked.
Ghostsmut advice: I hate it so it will win or something.
As hopeless as the Pope.
Ghostsmut advice: The least exciting ballad of the competition so again wouldn’t surprise me if it fucking wins.
HOLY FUCK. This is amazing.
Ghostsmut advice: Modern music in Eurovision? Deserves to win. For me, it’s this or Denmark.
It’s the only duet this year so never ignore them. Bollocks though.
Ghostsmut advice: Go have a poop.
Last song always does well. Sounds nice. Super gay drumming boys in it too. Fan boys seem to dislike it so let’s assume it will do well.
Ghostsmut advice: Each way bet again for me.