Battles – Gloss Drop

28 Jun

Crapples - Arse Plop?

I saw Battles live awhile back with Fourtet and they were amazing. Really dynamic and controlled. Loved every moment. This was before their debut album which didn’t really captivate me in the same way. I was in two minds about this new album. Would it be back to that incredible controlled chaos I saw live or just a lot of polyrhythms stuck together? Let’s find out together shall we?

Africastle

Okay. Couple of minutes of nothing. Then a kick and lots of plinky plonk. Just like Tori Amos at her worst. Plinky plonky plink. Forgettable.

Ice Cream

Allegedly a single; however, no one still knows who the fuck they are. Basically starts like the music to Willy Wonka at his most peadophilic. Nice riff when it gets going though. Gah, anything past the verse is unbearably messy though. Like a turd bakesale. Just an incoherent mess like Scrappy Doo playing the guitar after getting trashed with Shaggy.

Oh wow. the album got interesting and started talking abut tigers and stuff. Oh no, wait. It was a Spotify advert for the Zoo. As you were.

Futura

A sad little man’s guitar dream would be a better title. Bland, insipid and more dangerously completely self-indulgent. I thought the whole point of instrumentals/IDM/Post-Rock was to make it sound like it didn’t need vocals? Everything so far just sounds like it’s missing a layer.

What’s worse is the drumming is TERRIBLE. Recycled beat patterns repeated over and over is not fooling anyone. (well apart from drooling fanboys who would grin like shit-eating sycophants even if they’d released a reworked soundtrack to Wayne’s World).

Inchworm

Could be the same song. That shuffling rhythm they keep using is unbearable. As fruitless as wanking a dildo hoping to get it to cum.

Wall Street

Better! Still Tori Amos plinky plonk. Same tones even. But more energetic. Feeling it a lot more. Awful ending. As with everything here. They just don’t know how to start or finish their songs. They always sound like unrehearsed jam sessions that just fall apart and then they noodle around for a bit.

My Machine

As if to hammer home what I said before – this has vocals and is significantly better than everything else before it. Mostly cos it isn’t just one riff played several different ways but looped for SIX FUCKING HOURS.

Dominican Fade

You spelt “fail” wrong.

Sweetie & Shag

Phew. I’m so glad we could get you out of bed to do vocals on our track. We really want you to be engaged and give us a great performance.

Oh.

Could be a UB40 vinyl played at 45rpm instead of 33.

Toddler

Soundtrack to a spaceship’s doors opening in a 1970’s sci-fi film.

Roles Bayce

WOW! Great opening. Messy deep tones really waking you up. FFS, then straight back into plinky plonk shit. Again.

White Electric

Cut and paste random bits of the above words into a new review. It’s what Battles did with their album and this song.

Sundome

Absolute garbage. Helpfully reminding us why no one will ever speak of this album again in 6 months time. Like 65daysofstatic’s last “effort”, it’s something for fanboys to mercilessly hype and still no one to actually like it.

Summar.

  • Flat
  • No ideas
  • Unable to begin or end songs.
  • All the songs sound like someone winding a Jack In The Box that has been superglued shut. Thereby begging the question why bother winding it at all? I personally wish they hadn’t bothered.
  • Emotionless, erectionless wallpaper.
  • Piss off, Crapples.
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