Okay, so as with Ellie Goulding I did my research on Mr Blake before checking out the album. Not really won over by anything but felt there maybe was something to a few of the demos. I think the BBC have gotten a bit carried away.
Interesting. It’s like a remix of an existing song where the remixer’s idea is to put abstract noises in. Very experimental so far. Maybe not in a bad way – just not in a “WOW!” way. Can’t find any verses or choruses here… Oh wait, that was the song over? Hopefully that was just a weird intro.
It would appear that it started as it means to go on. This could be the same song. It’s like Radiohead on Kid A without any melody or rhythm. Like the bit you get after a song is finishing after its crescendo and this is the section that fades out, and if you listened carefully enough you may catch your favourite artist cough or laugh or something before it disappears. Bit of beat came in. May have been hearing my own pulse though.
I Never Learnt To Share
Very Antony & the Johnsons this. Except if you got someone with cerebral palsy to manually control the mixing desk. His voice is lovely though. All it needs is a reason to have been recorded. Hang on, bit of a sound coming in – nah, just thin notes mind. Are we getting somewhere? … Nope. Really now. This is poor. Finally a bargain bucket bass drum from yesteryear comes in with a bit of that dubby sound everyone’s been raving on about. Joke really, nothing to it. The Wurzels have better beats.
I can honestly say that the millisecond it took to click Play was more enthralling than everything I have heard so far.
Oh, now you’re taking the piss. Is this someone pretending to be a cyberman for 3 minutes? I believe it is, yes.
Holy cunts. This is the exact same song from before except with instrumentation. And by instrumentation I mean like someone eating ball bearings and then pissing on a drumkit. If I gave a 2 year old a voice pedal and recorded the stuff they did it would genuinely be better. I have not enjoyed a single moment of this. Not even the silence.
Limit To Your Love
OMG. Music. Yes, this was what I was expecting. When a song you think was “okay” is the best thing on the album so far you know his career is fucked. Still desperately average and unremarkable. Also, where are the underground production influences I was promised?
Give Me My Month
More piano at least. Yay! An instrument. It’s Antony & the Johnsons trapped in a toilet roll – the sound is so padded and cold. Like a rape victim choking on the plastic bag that’s suffocating them.
To Care (Like You)
This might be the best thing on the album. It’s a lot more raggedy and nastily cut together. Female singer counters his voice nicely. Could be good – or could be cos everything else has been so bad. That kinda false shit happened when I tried to review all of Eurovision, remember?
Why Don’t You Call Me
Why aren’t I asleep/dead yet?
Ooh, again. This I quite like. We get a beat and rhythm for a minute or so then it starts to die a long whimpering death and even when the beat comes back I’ve lost interest. Yeah, scrap what I said. This one is like the return of the slave trade. Punishing.
Vocally bland. Emotionally blank. I’ve sung better songs on the toilet… I’ve sung better songs into the toilet.
Well, what can I say to that? In a nutshell, it’s the sound of someone prolapsing at 20bpm for 38 minutes.
Since there are no songs maybe there’ll be some great remixes. I’ve never been left so passive while listening to an album. I wonder if it would improve if instead of having it in 320kbps I recoded it in 4kbps? Might sound more grainy and “underground” then. I’m going to go listen to Animal Collective now to see if this album beats it to worst thing that has ever received “critical acclaim”.
It’s as if someone gave a record deal to a tannoy announcer at the airport. Not a single moment peaks for me. I’m all for experimental but if you don’t have a song you need melody or dynamics. This has neither. And although I was expecting there to be no melody I was really hoping it would be built on peaks and troughs dynamically. As it isn’t, nothing moves me here.
Surely a contender for most boring thing in music? I know the crown is on Leona Lewis or Ellie Goulding but there are parallels with the latter. At least Goulding worked with a producer who added some OOOMPF to her sound. Otherwise – let’s face it – she’d just be another Dido. I’m sure if we got Keane or James Blunt to work with Goulding’s producer they’d not be thought of as so boring. Crap, of course. But not boring. And there’s the pitfall Mr Blake fell into – crap and boring.
I mean I enjoy experimental stuff. I like drone. I like minimalist ambience and carefully whispered beats. Fuck, I actually like dubstep! So fucking cock-ends from the Guardian shouting about this being post-dubstep and a “masterpiece” suggest they don’t know what they’re talking about. And as George Monbiot writes for them let’s assume they don’t (obvious troll is obvious).
But is this music? Is it supposed to be, I mean? I’m happy for this to exist. Just don’t be calling it bold and daring when it’s a massive failure of composition. It certainly ain’t something people will be listening to en masse in 2011. For those folk who’ll say things like “you just don’t understand – he’s underground! He’s experimental.”; to that I say “WASTE YOUR LIFE SOME OTHER WAY, FANNY BAWS”. Besides, if he wanted to be experimental surely he should have just made it 1 track and 38 mins long?
Conclusion: If someone busked these songs they would fucking starve.