Today we welcome a guest reviewer! Jon from The New Drivel has kindly written his thoughts on The King Blues’ first album Save The World – Get The Girl . (Just for the record, a quick note from both of us: their new single is fucking gash). Anyway, over to you Jon:
Ever wonder what would happen if Mike Skinner (aka The Streets) impregnated Billy Bragg, who in turn gave birth to a child with a cleft pallet and then raised it in the tough estates of East Mockney? If so check out The King Blues and their album ‘Save The World – Get The Girl’
Okay it is bad, but it is not really terrible, a sort of anthemic song along punk ballad about being nice to your mates. I would as go as far as to say that if the singer didn’t sound so much like Tim Armstrong it would be a passable pop punk tune.
I Got Love
Yay! Jamie Oliver has got a new series where he takes on a group of ‘at risk’ youths as apprentices in his kitchen and in the process transforms their lives. Wait, he doesn’t? Well why the fuck did he commission this bespoke piece of title music?
The Screamers, The Scroungers And The Rats
A punk and bluegrass fusion, need I say more?
Underneath This Lamppost
‘and the smell of kebab meat and battered sausage, will always remind me of you’, need I say more?
Save The World, Get The Girl
As you probably guessed by now I do indeed hate The King Blues and almost all their songs, but this one is special, indeed I can’t think any song, person or metaphysical concept that I hate quite as much as this one song.
To start with the chorus ‘But I will save the world and I will get the girl, I’ll dismantle this ticking time bomb with just one second to spare’ is up there in the cocksure arrogance stakes with ‘I think after tea I will master cold fission, then celebrate by taking Beyonce’s anal virginity’.
The chorus amazingly is not the worst thing about the song, it is the line ‘And going to war to prevent war is the most stupid thing I ever heard’ blurted out at the end of the second verse with a subtlety on a par with the Go Compare adverts. Yes it is indeed a song written in protest against the invasion of Iraq, RELEASED FIVE FUCKING YEARS AFTER IT HAPPENED. This is not allowed, protest songs need to be about a current issue, otherwise I would right now be penning a little number about the wrongs of Norman Lamont signing up to the European Exchange Rate Mechanism because locking the value of the Pound against the Deutschmark to prevent inflation is the most stupid thing I ever heard.
For You My Darling
Okay I’m calmer now, just a Gogol Bordello rip off, nothing to get too worked up about.
The Streets Are Ours
This is easily the high point of the album, stupid lefty name checking lyrics but I’ll let it go, it’s fun and fairly catchy.
Let’s Kill The Landlord
Haha, various misfortunes befell the friends that he once shared a squat with, brilliant.
Out Of Luck
I hate everything that has been adapted ‘to make it relevant for today’s youth’ and this adaptation of Tracey Chapman’s ‘Fast Cars’ is no exception.
Hold On Tight
I thought I was just listening to a boring reggae ballad but then two minutes in was treated to a Chester Bennington-esque scream session about yeah and stuff and something.
What If Punk Never Happened
You really have to listen to this one to truly grasp how incoherently gash the lyrics to this song is, I would quote a few but there are just far too many. In essence it describes a fictional alternative world where, as the title suggests, punk never happened. In this world hippies sit at home wearing their slippers too passive to do anything about the Thatcherite Reich ruling the world.
That’s right, punk brought down Thatcher and anyone that dare point out that ‘Never Mind The Bollocks’ was released two years before she came to power, or that shoegaze was the main trend in British alternative music when she actually left office is filthy counter-revolutionary scum.
Score: 1/10 (Solely for the bit of ‘The Streets Are Ours’ when the singer isn’t making any noise)