Lady Gaga – The Fame Monster

9 May

Bad Romance
Gotta say this song alongside the video is amazing. Without the video it loses a little bit and when you really get to concentrate on the words you realise she’s a bit of a twunt. The chorus on the EP doesn’t seem as strong without the video – seems way too vocal focussed. I know it’s pop but all I can hear on the mix is a drum and her vocals. I’m being harsh though because really this is a great song.

My only real criticism is that I wish she said “I don’t want to be French” instead of “friends” before the final chorus. That would have been ace.

Alejendro
Starts in a way so pretentious I almost turned French and made a black and white film with jump cuts about it. Ms Gaga uses a different vocal style which (for me) was the main flaw of The Fame. Argh, oh god, terrible chorus – this is a Eurovision entry in every way. That’s not necessarily a criticism – just a shame as I was hoping for something with a bit more of a cutting edge from the crazy bitch. This is kinda like Eh-Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) from The Fame which was one of those godawful songs that was put on the album just in case her electroslut routine failed and she had to fall back on a more mainstream approach. Instead she changed the mainstream and for that we have to thank her – but this is fucking shit. I’m bewildered to learn this is the next single. It’s arsevomit.

Monster
Ooh, more pretentious openings. Haha- funny 80s electro toms though – gotta love them. Bit of a dull verse but it’s short and the chorus is kicking. Loving the post-chorus “He ate my heart” bit. Really strong – Yeah, basically this should have been the next single. Enjoyed it a lot.

Speechless
Oh god, is this a Stereophonics song? It basically sounds EXACTLY like that and not only that she sounds like Kelly Jones. I mean, I guess it’s okay for cold heartless pop machinery with an Oasis/Beatles feel but come on Lady Gaga – we expect more from you than this. Also this track is a minute too long. If anything I’d say maybe all the tracks bar Monster have been too long by a good minute. That’s the problem with artists who think they’re important they make pop songs that are too long.

Dance In The Dark
Whoa, we are in a different decade. Really thick beats on the chorus and Meat Loaf-esque vocals. Not very emotionally engaging. Feels like it should be the end credits of a Japanese computer game. Don’t think much of the way it goes into the chorus. Just puts some crappy drum fill and goes into it. Bit weak. And once again when we’re three minutes into the track there is nothing else to add so it should really have stopped. Oh no, there’s a bit where it slows down and Gaga gets to wow us with her thoughts on Diana. *facepalm* stick to what you’re good at and get your (barely existing) tits out, pet.

Telephone
Still haven’t seen the video for this. Starts off lovely though and the mix is perfect. Vocals in line with the heavy synth. Loving this one. Oh man, Beyonce comes along to fuck with it but the song has a snorkle and manages to breathe through the steaming turd she plants on it. Yeah, this is a perfect pop song – it hits three minutes and finishes up. Doesn’t outstay its welcome and all you want to do is go back and listen to it again. How all songs should be.

So Happy I Could Die
Urgh. This is 100% Poly-Seal. Filler. Chorus is flat and uninspiring. Lyrically sounds like it was written by a 15 year old self-harmer who dreams of being popular except ends up taking a bath with a toaster. Incidentally, that would have made a better song. The track is four minutes long and does four minutes less than Telephone.

Teeth
Lady Gaga goes all carnival here. Very funfair. Shame she’s forgotten to include a chorus on it. It’s just a nazi-marching theme. Epically dull. More Poly-Seal. It’s the audio equivalent of blowing your nose on a borrowed hanky that you realise someone has jizzed into.

Summary
Oh wait, that’s it? Well it could have been worse.

I appreciate that right now pop has really needed a Lady Gaga figure. Madonna is like some scary grandma pretending to be that Bond villain who kills men with her thighs from Goldeneye (and musically irrelevant). Michael Jackson is dead and also hadn’t done anything worthwhile for ages. You could see how stale the pop world had got as when Michael Jackson died the airwaves filled up with his tracks. No doubt the man was a genius but if we had pop songs of that strength still being written today no one would have given a toss about the old global hypercolour paedophile.

So Lady Gaga is at least putting out some absolute gems of songs. Like Jacko and Madonna though she’s yet to do an album that is 100% good with no filler. All of the greatest pop artists are so hit and miss that they never make a good album. I know it’s the biggest selling album of all time and has some of the best pop songs ever on it but Thriller has some truly awful tracks on it too.

Maybe that’s the music industry now though. I mean in a world of Spotify and itunes playlists why bother releasing albums when people are just picking the songs they like and listening to them. Hell, most of the people I know don’t even listen to an album in its entirety now. Personally the death knell for albums is a joyful sound to me.

So in summary, Bad Romance, Telephone and Monster are the best things on this and everything else was flushable poop. But really, the girl is doing better pop songs than everyone else right now and that has to be applauded.

Score: 4/10

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3 Responses to “Lady Gaga – The Fame Monster”

  1. zerotolerance June 10, 2010 at 12:49 am #

    you dissed 65dayosstatic and praised THIS instead?
    you’re full of bullshit 🙂

    • ghostsmut June 12, 2010 at 10:47 am #

      by “praised” do you mean that I like three songs off it while only liking two songs off the 65 days one? Calm the fuck down you faecal munching retard. This is clearly a better pop album than the 65days one – especially since now they’re just a dull photocopy of their previous work with worse drumming.

  2. Elisa January 27, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    “My only real criticism is that I wish she said “I don’t want to be French” instead of “friends” before the final chorus. That would have been ace.”

    I’m French. What’s wrong with that ?

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