May 2010 – Reviews To Fuck You Off

7 May

Converge – No Heroes

Like a Deftones record stuck on the same track. Kinda like an Anal Cunt song except without the politics and many times longer. Although it did give me the giggles after its unrelenting silliness continued unabated by genuine lack of ability or reason. 1/10

Deftones – Diamond Eyes

Riff, shriek, repeat. Their slow parts are now legendarily woeful. Is it any wonder you had a side project called Team Sleep and one of you fell into a coma? I think not. Also, consider being good. 3/10

Gorillaz – Plastic Beach

Any record that starts with Snoop Dogg is just asking for trouble. Boring and redundant in equal measure. 2/10

Hole – Nobody’s Daughter

Did anybody ask for this? Do we deserve this? I think not. Songs that sounded like they were recorded decades ago sung by a MILK (Mother I’d Like to Kill) who’s been pumped so full of man milk if she breastfed from her saggy rubbery tit it would taste salty. 0/10

Bullet For My Valentine – Fever

This opens with a lushly produced guitar stomp that I was most surprised with. Kinda like Converge bewilderingly. However, it all kinda goes facepalm once the vocals come in. Super pop with shockingly bad lyrics (which I guess is now called Emo) but it’s really poppy and lovely harmonies. But what is surprising is the guitars stay high in the mix. Usually the guitars get sacrificed for the vocals and that isn’t the case here. Really chugtastic riffs all the way through. Not really my thing but surprisingly the best thing I’ve heard today so far. Yeah, I don’t believe that either. 6/10

ISIS – In The Absence of Truth

Whoa. This is actually good. I’m late to the ISIS party I know, but this is immediate and confident. Kind of a more post-rock Opeth. Excellent. 9/10

Holy Fuck – LP

For a band with the most we-are-never-going-to-be-famous-with-a-name-like-this they are surprisingly listenable. The tracks do away with regular song structures and most of them just build ideas onto ideas. No verse or chorus – just repetition and new layers. After hearing dull dirge like Deftones, Hole, Gorillaz and Converge in the same day Holy Fuck sound fresh. And they’re having fun and it’s infectious. 7/10

My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade

Lolz. It starts with a life support machine SFX. Oh my god this is a Queen song yes? This is just fucking awful. These guys are a real punch-them-in-the-cunting-face band. I think people who listen to this stuff deserve to cut themselves as musically it’s like a cilice. The guy sounds like someone welded his anus shut and he’s drowning internally on his own shit. 0/10

Mindless Self Indulgence – If

The tempo on all the songs sound too sped up and wrong. Production is astoundingly weak. Noises are just thrown together and – like My Chemical Romance – the vocals are so centre stage it may as well just be a cappella. They sound like a retarded South Park minus the satire or comedy. In fact, lyric-wise the “comedy” is so obvious I thought I was at Butlin’s watching a Red Coat routine. In all honesty, it sounds like a bad punk band using synth instruments to the best of their disabilities. 2/10


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